This weekend is a bittersweet weekend. Yesterday, May 7th, is what would have been the due date for our first baby. This is also Mother’s Day weekend. The same weekend that I am incredibly thankful for such a superb Mother that I don’t get to see or talk to nearly enough.
In all honesty, I have been at peace with the fact we lost our first baby, but like so many other women, I too have my sentimental and emotional days. This weekend is certainly one of them, and yes- I have cried.
However, even though I am not becoming a mother this weekend, I am thankful in an odd way for all of the emotions I have experienced from beginning to end with the pregnancy and miscarriage. If you are reading this and know me in person- I am and always will be an emotional person. I’m also very open about those feelings. To me, I am amazed at the love I felt the first time I saw that positive test- as well as the other 5 million I took at first. (Pretty sure I’m not the only one who tested that much, just out of pure shock and excitement!) I am amazed at the love I felt when I saw that first ultrasound and heard that little heartbeat. I am amazed at how something so small that I couldn’t see changed my body, emotions, and every day appearance in such a small amount of time. I am amazed at the hurt I felt losing all of that so suddenly, yet I never even met this baby in person. These feelings I have felt are only such a small portion of what my mother has experienced in the 29 years I’ve been alive, and I respect that even more now than I did before. So Mom- thank you for loving me. Thank you for letting me cry on the phone. That you for making me laugh. Thank you for all of it!
My friend Caitlin posted the song/video that I have a link to below a while back- by Chris Aven. When I first heard it, I immediately felt better and better about everything. Heaven IS a perfect place to start, and one day I will meet this sweet baby of mine. Yes, there are days I experience jealousy, and that’s human nature. But hearing this song puts some of that at peace. So have a listen if you like!
Happy Mother’s Day Weekend to my Mom, and every mother I know, or soon-to-be Mom. I can’t wait to join the club one day with you.